Dying To Survive
by MrsJasperWhitlock5643
Summary: Bella comes to Forks from a painful life.She is scared and cuts herself. The Cullens find out and Jasper tries to help, while Bella shuts him out. Can he save her before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

**Im back! Yay. I hope you all like it. **

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><p>Another cold, sleepless night. Another night living in constant fear, hurt.I want it to all go away, but I know it won't. I hope and pray, but I know it won't do me any good. I slip quiety to the kitchen, trying not to disturb my step-father. Youe see, he's not like any other step-dad.<p>

He dosen't drink, smoke, or cuss. He puts on this little fasade telling people he's this little angle . But I know the truth. He rapes me, almost everynight. You may think, why won't she do anything about it, but it's not that easy. He's the kind of person that you're too scared to do anything to. Scared to be alone at night. I grabbed a knife and returned to the bathroom.

I look at myself for a good 10 mintues. My pale blue eyes looked lifeless staring back at me. My black wavy hair looked dead too. My lips, almost drained from their natural red color, slightly parted, looked cadaverous. I looker at my emaciated, ghastly body. Scars covered me, swallowing me. Cuts, bruises, burns, everything. I lifed my sleeve, examining my arm. Scars that haunted me to no end. Though, I cant seem to stop.

I sculpture my wrist, hyphnotized by the blood rising to the surface. I couldnt stop, each slash, laceration, made me wanting more.  
>Alas, I made myself quit. I cleaned up my mess and headed to my bed. I quickly drank the liquor until I passed out.<p>

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><p>I woke up , feeling under the weather. I gotten my bags and quietly made my way to my car and then, the airport. They have no idea, I'm leaving. I got to the airport, feeling more confident. Florida to Washington is a long time away from my liquor..and my blades.<br>8hours later I m shaking. People are giving me pityful stares. That pisses me off. I dont know what to be looking for. In my state, I couldnt make out Charlie.

"Bella!" Someone cried out. I turned towards the noise. It was a police officer waving his arm frantily. I went to him. Crap.

"Here. let me get your bags." he said, grabbing my bags. I let him.

"Are you ready?" He asked. I just nodded. I got into the car, halfway realizing that the man was Charlie and he's bringing me home. The car ride was...maladroit. We really didnt talk much and for that I was greatful. We made it to his house and I quickly grabbed my bags and went to my room. It was the same as last time, but dustier. I didn't care.

"Here you go. Nothing speical." Charlie said standing in the door. We kinda stayed there akwardly before Charlie left. I went into my room, locked the door, and found my stash. I tried to drink little liquor at a time, so Charlie couldnt find it on my breath. Its gonna be hard to try to hide it from him.

"Bella, come here." Charlie called from outside. I quickly composed myself and went to meet him. In his driveway was this big Chevy truck.

"Is this for me?"I asked shocked. He nodded. This is the most awesome thing anyone has ever done to me.

"Thank you." I mustered. I really don't show my emotions. I've been called apathetic. I went back up stairs and really didn't do anything. I just sat there. I wonder what tomorrow will bring. School. tomorrow will be interseting. Maybe I'll find someone to hook me up. I'll have to be sneaky though. Stupid Cheif Swan.

By 5:00, I had made dinner- Mac N' Chesse. Charlie didn't seem to mind. The dinner was just like the car ride. I went to bed early and grabbed my little backpack. I sighed as I went to the back of my cloest and sat down. I pressed the blade to my vein, welcoming the blood. I sliently cried in pleasure. Pain releasing from my soul, my mind. All the hurt, pain, frustration Phil and my peers made me feel, I took it out on my arms, legs...stomach. It felt magnefent.

I took a long sip from my whiskey and felt the burning sensation throughout my body. I started to weep. I had hoped for something more. I can't I find the pleasure I want? I slowly cleaned up my blood, tend to my cuts, and tried to hide the whiskey on my breath. I made to my bed, welcoming the nightmares.

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><p>The next morning, I woke up more exhausted than I thought I would. I guess it's because Phil's not here and I am. I dressed in black skinny jeans, black long sleeve shirt, black deon, and black Toms. I put my eyeliner thick around my eyes that still looked dead. I put my signature red lipstick on and combed my straightwavy/curly hair.

I went downstairs to find Charlie already gone. Phww. I grabbed a ceral bar and headed to my nightmare. I wonder how people will might make conservation with me. I'll shut them out like I do everybody else. That's what I learned to do a long time ago.

I finally found the school, feeling more miserable. I found a spot in the back. I got out and all eyes were on me. I cast my eyes down and walked to the office.

JASPER'S POV

Another year, another day, another school. My life is completeing utterly boring. I have no life. Sure, I have my family, but I wonder if that's enough.

"Jasper, quit casting your negative energy everywhere. It's ruinning the mood!" Emmett said. I just stared at him.

"What mood?" Edward asked though looking at me.

"It's the first day of school!" Alice and Emmett said, giggling like little girls. That earned a smack from Rosalie and sigh from Edward. I don't even have a mate! It sucks being me sometimes.

"Come on. We're gonna be late." Edward said. Yeah right. We all piled into Edward's car and drove off to school.

When we got there, we had 15 mintues to spare, thanks to Edward's driving. We were just standing there doing nothing. A all of sudden, a monster of a truck came strolling along.

"That's the new girl, Bella." Alice said. Bella came out her truck and a wave of misery came towards me, almost knocking me backwards. Edward looked at me. She's been through alot, I thought to him.

I looked at Bella. She was beautiful. Her long black hair flowing down her back. Her goregous plae blue eyes, and her full red lips I could kiss for days. Whoa, what?

"Jasper." Edward hissed. Fuck off.

"Jasper." He warned.

"Will someone please tell us, what's going on?" Emmett asked, confused.

"Jasper has a crush!" Alice sang. I recevied glared from Edward and Rosalie and smiles from Alice and Emmett. Whatever. I stalked off to class. English, ugh. Let the boring day begin.

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><p>BELLA'S POV<p>

I made it to the office and went to the desk.

"Yes?" The woman asked.

"Isabella Swan?" I said.

"Oh yes! Here's your time-table, map of the school, and have your teachers sign this silp and bring it back at the end of the day." She said. I forced a smile and headed to Reading. I walked inside and everybody looked at me. I stared back, though two people caught my attention. Two beautiful girls that stood out.

One was short, with black pixie style hair with pale skin and golden eyes. The other one was to pale with golden eyes, but more taller and goregous blonde hair. She justed made my self-esteem drop to about -100.

"Yes?" asked.

"Bella Swan." I said, handing him my slip. He told me to sit anywhere. I managed to get a seat in the back. People still started at me. I started at them untill they looked away. This is so boring. I didn't listen to Mr. Mason. I just tried to read people. It was easy. A gossiper, a jock, brains, ect. Basic high school kids. Nothing interseting. The ball rang and the short beautiful girl came up to me.

"Hi! Im Alice Cullen and I can tell we're gonna be awesome friends." She smiled, What? I didn't know what to think.

"Uh.." I said.

"Do you want to sit with me and my Family?" She asked.

"Sure?"

"Great! Bye Bella!" She sang and danced off. Wow. Way to perky for my taste. School rolled on as usual and lunch came around. Great. I opened the lunch doors and most eyes were on me. I grabbed a water and apple and tried to look for a table.

"Bella!" Alice said, waving her hand. I sighed as I slowly walked towards her family. I sat down at the only avaliable seat. Between two guys. Her family was utterly goregous. A guy sitting across from me was stunning. He had messy bronze hair that suit him perfectly. Had golden eyes under his inhuamly pale skin.

Roaslie sat to his right and Alice to his left. The guy to my left and sitting by Rosalie was huge, I mean bodybuilder huge. Had short curly brown hair and a booming voice. The other guy sitting by me was smiple beautiful. Honey-blonde wavy hair that I could just run my fingers through, golden eyes and pale skin just like the rest of them. He seemed to have a pained expression on his defined face.

"Hi." I said quietly.

"Hey!" Alice said. She quickly introduced me to her family. Emmett, Rosalie, Edward ,Alice, and Jasper. I feel uncomfortable only because their so pretty and I'm not. Edward gave me a look. What? They talked about nothing and everything and I joined them sometimes, as did Jasper. He's very quiet.

"So, Bella, why'd you come here?" Emmett asked me. Oh no.

:Um, you know, I wanted to spend some time with Charlie?" I kinda said it like a question. I noticed Jasper and Edward give each other looks.

"That's cool, but I mean, do you miss the heat?"

"No!" I said quickly,"I don't mind the cold." I added. They seemed convinced. Pheww. The bell rang. I kept getting stares as I left with the Cullens.

"So Bella, what class do you have next?" Alice asked.

"Biology." I said.

"Mhm, maybe I can walk with you. I have it too." Edward said.

"Uh, Okay." I said. I tried to walk far from him as I could. It's not that's he's scary, it's just he's... I don't know..Intimdating? Yeahh, that's it. I rubbed the razor blade in my pocket. I closed it tight around my fist. I felt a tiny cut. I saw in the corner of my eye, Edward stiffened.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He said swiftly. His eyes got darker, his more tense. What's his deal? We made it to Biology and the only seat avaible is next to Edward. He seems to know more of something and I have a feeling it's about me. But how? I didn't give anything away at lunch. I hope he dosen't know.

"Mr. Barner, may I go to the restroom?" I asked in my make-the-adults-love-me voice.

"Yes of course." He said. I grabbed my bag and went to the restroom. It was empty, good. I went to the last stall. I grabbed my blade and rolled up my sleeve. Scars covered me. Some old, some new. I brought the razor to my arms and only got a few cuts till I heard the door open. Oh shit.

It was heels. coming closer untill it stoped at my stall. Shit shit shit. The person just stayed there. I quickly teneded to the cuts and rolled down my sleeve. I looked at the shoes. They were desinger. I only know two people in this school who has real designer shoes.

Alice and Rosalie.

I sat there quietly as I could. They walked out. Oh my god. Why would they do that? I went to back to Biology and finished our assingment. We just sat there, Edward, stiff as a board, and me scared of either Alice or Roaslie. I replayed the scene over and over. I started to breath fast. Clam down Bella, she didn't see. She didn't see.

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><p>EDWARD'S POV<p>

As we walked to Biology, I couldn't help but read Bella's mind. It's quite terrible. She's rubbing a razor blade in her pocket. What? I stiffened.

"You okay?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I said. His eyes got darker, his more tense. What's his deal? Bella thought. We mabe it to the Biology and sat down. He seems to know more of something and I have a feeling it's about me. But how? I didn't give anything away at lunch. I hope he dosen't know. Bella thought. Know what?

"Mr. Barner, may I go to the restroom?" Bella asked in a sweet tone.

"Yes of couse." He said. she got up and left. I entered her mind. I could basicaly see from her perspetive. She entered the last stall and took a razor blade from her pocket. Oh no. She slid it through her skin. I could smell it from here.

What's that? Roaslie thought. She walked to the bathroom. No. From Bella's view I could see her arms perfectly. Scar wrapped around her whole arm. Burns, bruises, everything. It made me sick. Roaslie stopped infront of Bella's stall. She froze. Rose just stood there.

She's a cutter? Should have seen that one. Rosalie thought very judgemental. She left and eventually Bella did too. I can't believe it. She needs help. Bella came back and replayed the secne over again. I blocked her, I didn't want to see that. The bell rang and I zoomed out of there. I skipped last hour and just sat in my car.

Should I tell my Family? Will Roaslie? Do I confront her? What? Ughh this is very frustrating. I just can't let her keep on doing it.

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><p>JASPER'S POV<p>

All day I got confusing emotions from Alice, Edward, and Rosalie. Why? Hunger and disgust from Edward, Vain and Anger from Roaslie and Sorrow from Alice. What the fuck? The last bell rang and I raced to my family. Edward was already there.

"Hey man, I got weird vibes coming off of you?" I asked Edward. He sighed.

"It's nothing." He lied. I was about to protest but I heard Bella's heartbeat. I looked at her while she made her way to her truck. She was scared. She hestinaly looked at my family. I felt waves of anger from Roaslie. Bella caught Roses gaze and quickly looked away, her emotions rasing. She was across the parking lot and I saw her cry.

"What did you do to her." I hissed at Rosalie. She glared back. Emmett coming in between us.

"Why don't you ask Edward." She hissed back. I looked at him.

"What." I said. He seemed hestitant.

"What." I said through cleanched teeth.

"It's Bella." He said struggling with his word. I waited ,"Yes?" I said.

"She...went to the restroom in Biology and she..cut herself." He said clearly disgusted.

"What?" I said normal now.

"Yeah, your little human inflicts pain on her nasty self." Roaslie said.

"Rosalie." Emmett and Alice said. I ran into the woods. What? Bella cuts herself. Why? How? When? Poor Bella. Her life must be horrible if she has to do that to herself. I have to help her. But how? Confront her? I ran to the house thinking of ways I can help her

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><p>BELLA'S POV<p>

Oh my god! It was Roaslie and by her glare, I know she knows. Oh God. What if she tells? I can't face them tomorrow. Pain started to enguffme. I made it home and went staigh to my room.

I started to hypervenalate. With shaking fingers, I drank my whiskey to the brim. I feel dizzy, and I went to the closet and got my razor. I cut deep. Blood trickled down my arm to the floor. I fell down. My ragged beathing calmed me. It felt good.

"Bella?" I heard before darkness swallowed me.

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><p><strong>Well? R&amp;R!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank ya chickas, for the favourites! Here's the second chapter! This one has more dilouge R&R!**

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><p>BELLA'S POV<p>

God, my head hurts. It's like someone knocking it over and over again. It's very annoying. I tried to open my eyes, only to find white. Well, I must be dead now. Yay.

"Bella?" A very hot voice asked. Huh? I mustered a very weird noise.

"You're awake," He said. No shit sherlock, "Can you open your eyes." I tried and found golden eyes peering down at me.

"You're Alice's dad." I said. My own voice sounded weird, tottally not mine. He chukled.

"Why yes I am. Do you know why you're here?" He said. His name tag said Carlisle.

"Uhh..I have a hangover?" I said unsure.

"Well yes, but you tried to committ suicide." Ohhhh...yeahh.

"Who found me?" I whispered already knowing the answer.

"Your dad." Ouch. Poor Charlie.

"Is he here? Dose mom know? What about Phil?" I said in a rush making my head feel like shit.

"Slow down. He's in the lunch room with your mom and her husband." Oh no, oh no, oh no.

"No, no, no, no, no, NO!" I said. trying to get out. Carlisle pushed me down gently.

"No, I have to get out of here!" I yelled about to cry. He looked taken aback.

"Why?"

"You don't understand! I can't see him! He he he..." I said breathing really fast. I felt my eyes widening. I cant be here.

"Bella." Carlisle said.

"Get me out of here! He hits me! He hurts me!" I yelled. Carlisle's eyes widen. He went over to a window and took out his cell phone. I couldnt hear him and wanted to go what he was saying.

"Don't tell."I whispered. He seemed to hear me. He hung up.

"It's okay. It's taken care of." He said. I really don't like how he said that. The door opened and I thought it was Phil, but it was Emmett and Alice. Oh no!

"What are they doing here? How many people know?" I asked Carlisle. I searched his face for answers.

"Its okay Bella. It's gonna be alright." Alice said softly. No it's not.

"We're here to bring you to safety." Emmett said smiling.

"I don't need to be rescued or your smapthy." I quite a bit snottish. I need to shut them out. Carlisle untached alll the medical stuff off of me and Emmett picked me up.

"Hey!" I said. We walked outside to a huge Jeep. Emmett strapped me in so many seat belts, I lost count. We drove in silecne. We drove in the woods and came apon a goregous victorian home. Emmett drove into the garge and unbuckled me. I felt so naked, so exposed. I was only in that ugly hospital gown. We went into their house. Oh no, they know. Oh God. Oh God oh God oh God. I saw Edward and this woman, I assume his mother. Caremle hair and same pale skin and golden eyes.

"Oh!" She said as she rushed me.

"Hello Bella, Im Emse. Lets get you settled in. Emmett carried me up two flights of stairs into a little medicial room. I felt Edwards eyes boring into my back, well he's probably staring at my scars. Edward hooked me up just like when I was in the hospital. It was very uncomfortable. I saw Jasper and Roaslie in the door frame. i cast my eyes away from Roaslie. Every Cullen minus Carlisle was in this room. Gah!

"Can I talk to Bella alone?" I heard Rosalie said. I looked up. She avoided eye contact. Everyone left and Jasper seemed hestaint. But fainlly he left.

"Bella, Im so so sorry. I said somethings I shouldn't have and I've been rude and spitful." She said. Whoa, didn't see that one coming. I just stared at her,

"I know that I seem vain because of my beauty, " I snorted, "but Im sorry. I feel like this is my fault." Finally she makes sense.

"I don't know what to say, really." I mustered. What could I say? I've never done this before.

"I 've never done this before." I said.

"That makes two of us." Roaslie said. We chuckled.

"I understand where you're coming from it's just, I've had people hurt me before and I guess I did it on habit." I confessed.

"Its okay Bella, I know excalty where you're coming from." Roaslie smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. Just then Carlisle came in.

"Hello Bella, how are you feeling?" He said, holding my file.

"Fine, I geuss." We were alone now.

"According to your file, you've done this alot haven't you?" He asked. I nodded meekly.

"Hey, it's okay." He smiled.

"May I ask why?" Well..

"That's fine, you don't have to, but I suggest a therapist." He said, writing something down.

"What about Phil?" I asked staring to get scared.

"Well, we really couldn't do anything because we don't have evidence."

"He knows where I live, he could do anything!" I yelled.

"It's okay Bella-" I inturrpted. I started to hypervenalate.

"No no no no no no no no. He's gonne get me! He's gonna get me!" I screamed. Jasper suddenly came in the room and took my hand.

"Bella, shhh. It's gonna be fine." He said. I suddenly became calm. We looked at each other for about 5 mintues. I was looking in answer that I know he couldn't give me.

"Your parents are on their way now. They think that I put you here because I have more advanced hospital equitment." Carlisle said. I nodded.

"Bella!" I heard my mom yell. She and Charlie busted in, tearry eyed. I hate seeing them cry.

"Oh Bella!" Mom said. She hugged me and then Charlie did too.

"Im okay Mom." I said.

"It was good that Charlie found you."

"Yeah." Jasper looked at me.

"Bella, I didn't know what to do. I was so scared you were die." Charlie broke on the last word.

"Can we please not.." I said. I didn't want to be reminded that I caused my parents to cry. Phil was standing in the back smiling innocently at me. I inwardly shuddered. My parents stayed for a little longer then fainlly left.

"See you tomorrow Bella." Charlie said.

"Bye." Charlie thinks that I need to be here over night for observation. Not that I mind.

"Um, when can I get up from this bed?" I asked no one in particular.

"Now, if you wish." Carlisle said. I slowly swung my feet on one side and sat up careful not to become dizzy. I surely got up and felt fine. Jasper kinda helped me down the stairs. When, we got down to the livingroom, it was anything but awkward.  
>I really felt weclomed. We really had a great time. Emmett and Edward argued over nothing, Alice and Roaslie talked about everything,<br>and Jasper was really nice and friendly to me.

By 6:00, I was really sleepy. I yawned.

"Sleepy Bell?" Emmett. I nodded. Alice led me up to a guest room and gave me some clothes.

"Here, these should fit." She said.

"Thank you Alice, for everything." I said. She smiled.

"No problem Bella. Night." I climbed into the bed and just thought. Do they really care? No, they don't. Their just doing this because they feel sorry. They feel sorry for the little weak girl.

A cutter.

That's all I'm ever gonna be. I don't feel loved. I feel like nobody cares. I'm worthless and insignificant. I hate myself. I want my scars to go away! I'm so broken, I can't think at all. I feel like I'm on fire and I can't put it out. Im in too deep. All the depression is beinging to control me. I weclomed it.  
>I feel so ugly, who would want to love someone who cuts herself and has scars on her body.<p>

No one.

God, I hate my life. I want it to be over. I'm gonna have to do it again. Soon. I burried myself in insults till I feel asleep.  
>_<p>

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><p>EDWARD'S POV<p>

"You guys, she wants to do it agian." I said. Jasper's head snapped up.

"What?" He said.

" Do they really care? No, they don't. Their just doing this because they feel sorry. They feel sorry for the little weak girl. A 's all I'm ever gonna be. I don't feel loved. I feel like nobody cares. I'm worthless and insignificant. I hate myself. I want my scars to go away! I'm so broken, I can't think at all. I feel like I'm on fire and I can't put it out. Im in too deep. All the depression is beinging to control me. I feel so ugly, who would want to love someone who cuts herself and has scars on her body." I recited what she had thought.

"That's terrible!" Esme said.

Why? Jasper thought. This is really hard for him, her being his singer and all.

"We have to help her." Jasper whispered. He's in a heap of pain. It's so so sad.

"How?" Emmett asked, "She dosen't even think we care! It's tourture!" No one answered him. It's ture. We barley know her and yet, we don't know how to help her.

"Why dosen't she like her step-father?" Rose asked.

"I don't know, she hasn't though of him yet." I said. We looked ar Carlisle.

"Im sorry, but it's confedenial." He said.

"My ass it's confedenail!" Jasper said.

"I don't hink I should be the one to tell you. Give her time." He said. He and Esme walked out the room. slowly everyone did too.  
>_<p>

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><p>JASPER'S POV<p>

I want to help her so much. To tell her it isn't over. Giver her hope and faith. But I just don't know how! I want to hold her, never let her go. I want to be her founation and her walls. I love her so much, I don't want to see her break. I want to fight her fight. She deserves to be loved and whorshiped. Hold on Bella, I'm coming

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><p>_<br>**Well?:) It's kinda short but oh well! Haha, R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry, I haven't updated, I was at a friends house and when I did write this, my computer crashed I it didn't save:/ But here you go!**

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><p>BELLA'S POV<p>

If you had the chance, would you risk it all? Risk your friends, family, your life? For your every fiber in your exsitence, to have that once in a lifetime chance to be able to feel what you could't feel? To feel free from everything in your life?

I defintfuly would.

I woke up in a different room than my own. What? Oh yeah, yesterday. Yesterday sucked. I can't face them today. I just can't. I got up from the bed and noticed some clothes. I quickly put them on and quickly and quietly raced down the stairs. All of them was in the living room. I ingored them and went outside. I need to get out of here.

"Bella." I heard Jasper call. I ignored him.

"Come on Bella." He said again. I don't know how to get to my house, I don't have a car. I headed for the woods.

"Bella!" I started to run. I can't see him, not like this. Branches whipped my face but I didn't care. I had to leave. I was suddenly turned around and saw a pair of golden eyes staring at me.

"Bella." He said. I couldn't read his face.

"Jasper."

"Oh Bella." He said before enfuling me into a hug. It was something I have never experisenced before. It was like our bodies became one, nothing esle mattered. It was like love and happiness had escaped his body into mine. I didn't want to let go, I might break if I did. I wanted to stay in his arms forever.

Earth to Bella, what the hell are you thinking? You can't have this, you're not worth it, my inner deom yelled at me.

Stop!

He'll never love you, nobody can or will! You're sucm, you don't deserve anything! I yanked out of Jasper's arms, covering my ears with my wrists. I fell to my knees.

"Stop it!" I yelled. I looked up at Jasper with my tear-stained face

"Make it stop!"

"Bella." He came level to me and out his hands over mine.I contuied to cry sliently.

JASPER'S POV

I didn't know what to do. Her face just breaks my heart. She seems so lost. I filled her with calmness, love, and happiness.

"Jasper.." She whispered.

"It's okay darlin', shhh. It's gonna be fine, just fine." but thoses seemed the wrong words to say.

"No! Don't say that! It's not true, stop lying!" Bella said. I put her in my lap and just calmed her and gently rubbed her back. That seemed to work.

"I'm gonna protect you darlin. I'll never let you fall." I murmured against her head. After what seemed like hours, I picked her up and walked her back to the house. She looked so beautiful when she slept. Her black hair was soft, and everywhere. Her red lips just looked so adorable and her eyes. Oh her eyes were something esle. I can't even put it into words. Unqiue shade of baby bule that just made you melt when you see them.

I sat her on the bed and laid beside her. She is smiply, utterly goregous. I wanna spend the rest of my life with her.

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><p>BELLA'S POV<p>

I woke up to Jasper next to me. He was so beautiful. His blonde curls fell against his defined face. His muscular arms were rested under his head. I wonder if he's awake.

"Jasper." I whispered.

"Yeah." He said opening his eyes. He looked so cute!

"Thank you." I said.

"You're-" but before he could finish, I crashed my lips up against his. He seemed shocked at first but then he recovered. He kissed back, wrapping his arms around my waist. I slid my hands into his soft hair. This felling was extordinary, nothing from what I felt before. It was like I belonged there, in his arms. His tounge grazed my bottom lip and I accepted. He pulled me closer, if that was even possible and it was like nothing even mattered but us. It was magical

Then someone interuppted.

"Jasper!-," Alice said. Jasper pulled back and was at the other side of the room.

"Alice." He said, but she just grinned. Oh God, this is sooo embarrsing,

"I'll just leave you two alone." and she walked out the room. I put my hands in my head. Just what I needed. Jasper cleared his thoat. I didn't look up, my face red from blushing,

"Bella." He said cupping my fac ein his face, making me look at him. He's so breathtaking.

"You don't have to be embarssed." Which made me blush more. He just grinned.

"Come on darlin', lets go. I have to show you somethin'." He said grabbing my hand.

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><p>JASPER'S POV<p>

Thank God for Alice. If she wouldn't have shown up, I think I might have slipped. I lead her to the grage and went to my bike.

"Um, what are we doing?" She asked confused.

"You'll see." I said handing her a helmet.

"Oh no no no. I'm not getting on that thing." she said stepping back.

"Come on Bella, trust me." I smiled. I knew she would come.

"Okay," She said breathless. I chuckled. she got on and wrapped her arms around my waist, a little lower than normal. Gosh, this girl's gonna be the death of me. I drove towards a little spot I knew. I stoped on the side of the road.

"Are we here?" She asked.

"We have to walk." I said. She seemed hestiant but began to walk. I walked beside her, helping her when needed. Halfway through, I grabbed her hand. Happiness waved off of her. I smiled.

"Almost there." I said. When I knew she could see light, I lead her infront of me. She stepped into the clearing and gasped. It was a little flied with a little waterfall and flowers of various kinds. I found it when I needed to get away from the house.

"Its...so beautiful." She said still absored in its beauty.

"It is." I said looking at her. She looked at me and found that I was looking at her and blushed.

"Jasper, it's just so..." She tralied off. She looked at me and hugged me. She was trembling. I wrapped my arms around her, comforting her. I placed kisses on her head. She looked up at me, crying. I kissed her tears away. I trailed kisses up her neck, along her jaw, and finally her soft lips, trying to stay in control. Her emotions were everywhere. Sadness, happiness, fear, and love. Love? I knew I loved her, but she loved me? Why?

I was so caught up in her arms, I almost didn't noticed another presence. And so caught up her, I almost didn't notice the other vampire attack.

* * *

><p><strong>So? What ya think?:) R&amp;R<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Well here ya go! A little bit shorter but oh well! :)**

* * *

><p>BELLA'S<p>

Jasper pushed me back behind him as he attacked the man. What is going on? They were moving so fast, they were blurs. I heard animal like growls and hisses from them. The man was just as beautiful as Jasper. Same pale build, but this man had red eyes instead of gold.

"Bella!" I heard from the woods. I looked towards my name. The Cullens appeared, but they were moving extremly fast. Esme, Rose, and Alice stayed by my side while the guys break up the fightinh men. Emmett holds back a growling Jasper, and Edward has the other man.

"What do you want?" Carlisle asked calmly. The man looked at me,

"Her." He said growling. That made Jasper hiss and struggle against Emmett.

"She is ours. Leave and never come back or if you make one move towards the girl, we will not hestiant to kill you." Carlisle said. The man though it over.

"Okay." He said.

"No Carlisle, he is just gonna go after her." Alice said. Carlisle nodded.

"Get her out of here." He said. Then the next thing I knew I was flying through the forest. I shut my eyes and held on to Alice for dear life. What are they? We stopped at my house.

"Im sorry Bella, we have to go. We'll explain later." Alice said. Then she dissapered. Okay, I'm crazy, I just know it. Shaking off this feeling, I went into the house, to be greeted by an angry Charlie.

"Hey Dad," I said, try to sound calm.

"Geuss what I found in your room?" Oh no, he found it.

"What." I said quietly.

"Geuss." He said through gritted teeth. I wouldn't answer.

"How could I be so stupid? It was right there, under my nose. Why didn't I smell it? And you would you have it?" He looked so sad but angry.

"Da-,"

"I think you need some help. You're going to a therapist tomorrow.." He said sighing.

"Im sorry." I whispered.

"No your not, or esle you wouldn't have been drinking." He said. His words slapped me across the face. Was I the reason for his behavior? Yes. No one has ever been so dierct towards me. I couldn't handle this. Crying, I ran up stairs and locked my door. With my tear-bulrred vision, I found my blade. I slid it across my skin, feeling the pain and release it gave me. An escape from my life, it felt good.

"Bella.." I looked up. Jasper was standing by the window, his golden eyes now black. I just stared at him. Ashamed.

"Jasper." I whispered. He cautiously came to me and grabbed my wrist, already over flowing with blood. I saw his lips move, but couldn't hear him. With so much speed, he was gone and back in a second. He wrapped my wrist with a bandage, his eyes still black. He asked the shortest question I know and hated.

"Why?" He sounded so heart broken. I hated him being this sad. That smiple question had many different answers, answer I didn't think I could give him.

"..I..." I couldn't speak. So wrapped up in my emotions.I felt so ashamed. Him, seeing me like this. He picked me up and put me on my bed, under the covers. He laid down next to me, over the covers. He held me with all his might. I cried into his chest. Clutching him for my life.

"When my mom found Phil, he was so good to her. They got married and everything was perfect. But one night when I was about to go to sleep, Phil came into the room. I asked what did you want? and he said, 'Shut the fuck up bitch.' and hit me. I was so shocked and he raped me." I felt Jasper tense up under me.

"He did that almost every night. I was so broken, I started to hang out with the wrong crowd people and they got me to become an acholic and I was so numb. I did anything to try to feel anything. Slept with boys, went to parties, got into fights with my mom, and evenually, I found a blade Phil had in his tool box. Then I started to cut myself. It was the only thing that found me peace. It brought me so much pleasure. One night Phil took it too far. And I couldn't take it anymore. I filled the tub and tried to drown myself, I almost did it, but my mom found me and tried to help me with my condintion. I faked it, I went through with it so I couldn't have to stay in therapy.

"I wished she wouldn't have found me. One day, I packed my bags and just left. Now Phil knows where I live and could try anything. Im so scared, Jasper. I want this to be over. I want to feel again. Feel that I'm not alone and to feel loved. I don't want any more goodbyes." I finished, I felt so naked, so exposed.

"Bella, I love you." Jasper said.

"I loved you since the moment I saw you and when I got to know you, I loved you even more. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are so speical and amazing. You deserve to be loved and cherised. I want to keep you in my arms forever. When I'm away from you, I feel so sad. But when Im with you, I feel so blessed. You're nothing sort of a champion. It isn't over, Bella. I want to help you. Want to make you feel love and happiness and all the emotions you haven't felt before. I'll stand by you. I love you so much." Jasper said.

I looked at him and knew what he said was true. I felt like I belong to someone. I tried to smile, but instead, I kissed him. The kiss was more passionate and meant so much more. Love was only thing that was in this kiss. We broke apart and I cuddled by his side.

"I think I love you too." I murmured. He kissed the top of my head. Love was something I never felt before, and it felt good. I slept there in his arms.

"Bella, wake up." Jasper said slightly shaking me.

"Mmmhhmm." I said. He chuckled. After a few mintues, I finally got up.

"What?" I asked.

"I guess you want an explaintion for earlier, huh?" He asked. I nodded.

"Okay, well, you see, me and family are vampires. And that man was also vampire but he feeds on human, while we feed on animals." Jasper said catiuosly. Vampires? Okay, I'm totally crazy.

"Huh?" I asked not really believing it. But I noticed how pale and cold he always is. And so imhumanly gorgeous his family is. And in the clearing..

"Oh my..." I said realising he's right. Slowly I placed my hand over where his heart is. No beating.

"How old are you?" I asked him.

"19."

"How long have you been 19?"

"A while." He said. Realising I wasn't going to speak, he told me of his story. About Maria, the wars, Peter, and the Cullens.

"You're good though. Your not going to hurt me." I said.

"I could easliy." He said ashamed. I cupped his face with my hands.

"If you wanted to, you would have by now." I said. He leaned into my touch.

"Why did that vampire want me?" I asked. He sighed in rememberance.

"He wanted your blood." Okay.

"Why mine?" I asked

"Your blood has a certain smell. It's more apealing than the other humans." He said.

"Something's wrong with my blood." I asked ofended. He chuckled.

"No no, it's smells facsinating. Like fressias and coconuts." He smiled slightly.

"Do you want my blood Jasper." I told him. I knew he wanted it. He nodded meekly.

"You're my singer. It's when a human's blood calls out, or sings, to a certain vampire. They could either fall in love or..."He trailed off. We both knew what he was going to say.

"You love me." I said.

"More than anything." He said. I smiled.

"Good." I murmured as I kissed him.

* * *

><p>:) R&amp;R<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Here ya go!**

* * *

><p>BELLA'S POV<p>

Im going crazy. I know I am. I need my whiskey. Fuck Charlie, he took them away from me. And to make natters worse, I have to that stupid theraphy session. Great. I took a shower, got dressed and put my make up on. And Charlie's driving me there. Awesome.

"You ready?" He called. I just walked down the stairs. We went to his cruiser and headed to the rehabilitation centre.

"Bye." He murmured. I just slamed the door. I didn't Jasper about this. I didn't need more humliation. I walked into the doors and went to a random lady.

"Im here for an apointment?" I asked in monotone.

"Isabella Sawn?" I nodded, "Follow me." I followed her into these double doors, down two hallways, and through another door. It was like a huge gym with about 6 chairs in the middle of it. Great, group theraphy. I went towards the middle.

"You must be Isabella!" A guy, I assume the 'docter', said.

"Bella." I corrected.

"Mmhmm, have a seat." I sat between two guys. Let the tourtoure begin.

Theraphy sucked. Im diffentally not coming here agian. He bascially told us that we shouldn't do what we do. You know, drinking, stealing, ect. But he had out it in a 'nice' way. Yeah right. I don't need a stranger telling me what my problem is. When I made it outside, Jasper was leaning up against his bike.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Charlie told me." He repiled. Great. I sighed, as I walked towards him.

"Look, I don't know why Charlie put me here-." I started.

"Bella, you need help." He said taking my hands. What.

"I didin't mean it like that." He started,

"Take me home." I said pissed. Great now he thinks I need help. He sighed in frustration.

"Bella.." He murmured sadly. I wasn't having it.

"Take me home." I said anger dripping through each word. We got on the bike and he took me home. He started to say something but I marched to the door and slamed it in his face.

"How was it?" Charlie said. I ran up the stairs and slammed it. I locked it. I haven't been this mad in forever. Replaying the scene over agian, I began to cry. God, maybe I am crazy. He's right, I do need help. I go where to go. I packed some clothes and nescities, packed them in a backpack. I undid one floor board and my secert stash of my whiskey and razors and packed them too. I went outisde and started for La Push. I haven't seen Jacob in forever. With the drink in my right hand, I started to walk. I couldn't drive like this.

With each step, I drank. It was getting late, but I didn't care. I was already on my third bottle. I was almost there. I couldn't see really good. Beacuse it was dark and I was drunk. It really didn't take much to get me drunk.

You're so worthless. Do you think Jacob is going to help you? He wouldn't help you. He dosen't like you. Nobody dose.

You are just a patheic little girl, I started to hear Phil's voice inside of my hand.

Are you always that stupid or are you making a special effort today? You are an ugly little bitch that no one is gonna love.

Stop! Stop!

I feel to my knees on the middle of the road.

You're so stupid, fat, loser-

"Ugahhhh!" I screamed. I saw headlights coming my way but I could get up.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" I yelled at my head. The bottle I had, dropped and shattered. The car swered and tried to get back onto the road, but conutied to spin and hit me.

I welcomed the blackness this time.

* * *

><p>THRID PERSON<p>

The cold, dark night was slient expect for the little child's screams. The upside car was sothering the woman and the druken teenager. The little boy was sure he was the only one alive. He when he opened his eyes, his screams countinued. His mommy was hanging with a chuck of glass severed into her skull. Blood was everywhere. Her eyes were opened and staring at the teenager. The teenager was under the car where the windowshiled was. Glass cut into her skin, a puddle of blood surrounding her. Her arms and legs bent into awful postions. Was she too dead?

A passing car sreeched beside them. Screams filled the night, making the boy scream too. The man inside the car, called the police and ambulence. His wife was trying to tell the boy help was on the way without throwing up. 10 mintues later, police and ambulence sirens filled the dark lonely night.

* * *

><p>JASPER'S POV<p>

We were aimlessly flipping through the TV. The night was boring to say at least. We were all in the living room trying to keep up the family show. Esme stopped it at the news.

"Local teen, Isabella Swan, was found in a car wreck along with Aubrey and her son, Peyton Alister. The car was found upside down with Swan under neath. Alister was found killed head on and Swan is currently unconscious. The wreck was found by a on coming..." The news reporter said.

What.

It was like time stopped. My dead heart shattered into a million pieces.

"Why didn't I see this?" Alice said to herself. I wanted to go to Bella, but it was like I was trapped in a statue. I couldn't move. Edward'd cell phone rang.

"Yes, we saw it, Alice didn't see it." Edward said.

"Don't go to the wreck. Too much blood." Carlisle said. Bella's blood? With my vampire speed, I zoomed out of there and drove to the hospital with my family behind me. I ran into the hospital just was they brought Bella.

Oh my God.

My heart broke again. Her arms and legs were bent into awkward positions and her face was bloody was bruised. Emmett held me back as I tried to get to her. I growled at him and struggled but He just held tighter.

"Bella!" I said. My world stopped. It was like I was just frozen in time.

"Get him out of here, he's gonna snap." Alice said low so we could only hear. Emmett and Edward got my outside away from the hospital.

"I need to see her!" I yelled.

"You're unstable." Edward said. It's all my fault she got into the wreck. If I didn't tell her...

"It's not your fault." Edward said.

"Yes it is." I said quiety. I felt so ashamed. Ashamed that I was about to snap and go for her blood and ashamed that I had told her she needed help. I didn't mean it like that ya know? It came out wrong.

"I'm okay." I told Emmett. He was hestiant but let go of me.

"Oh Bella.." I said. After a few mintues, we went back to the hospital and waited for the news. When we made it to my family, Esme grabbed me into a bone crushing hug. I dry sobbed.

"Where's Bella?" Charlie said busting through the doors. He looked so broken. His face was blood shot and his heart was doing ninty to nothing.

"She's in the back." Alice whispered, cleary dry sobbing too.

"I have to see her!" He said. But when he tried too, two gaurds held him back.

"No one is able to go back there at this time." One said.

"She's my daughter!" Charlie cried.

"I'm sorry chief." One said. Defeated, Charlie came to us and sat down with his head in his hands.

After 3 hours, Carlisle came with the news.

"She's..." He started.

* * *

><p><strong>Cliffhangerrr! Hahaha R&amp;R It's kinda short but I wanted to do a ciffy so bad!<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, it's been forever But School is tomorrow so, I've been busy this week, but here you go!**

* * *

><p>JASPER'S POV<p>

"She's in a coma right now. We found whiskey in her and aussmed that she was drunk when the crash happened. She stable at the moment but has several broken ribs and lost a lot of blood. We were able to do a transfusion on her. Her arms and legs are dislocated but, We were able to fix that." Carlisle said. Thank God she isn't dead!

I let out a breath I didn't know I held in. She's okay.

"Can I see her?" Charlie asked. He nodded. Charlie was led back and when he got to Bella, I heard him break down.

"She's okay." I said relieved.

"It's gonna be okay." Alice said. When Charlie was done, I went to see her. She looked so fragile, like a doll. She had cuts on her face and her face was beaten and purple. It was heart breaking. I held her hand

"It's okay Bella, You're gonna make it. I know yo will. I love you." I said, my voice breaking. I know she's gonna live.

But I have a feeling that this is what she wanted. To die.

3 MONTHS LATER.

3 months since the crash. 3 months since Bella's been the coma. I haven't given up hope yet. She's going to live. I've been by her side everyday since then. Never giving up hope, never stopped loving her.

"Carlisle...I don't know what to do anymore. She hasn't waken up. I don't know if she ever will...I..don't want to do it, but...I can't do this anymore." I heard Charlie outside the door.

No!

He is NOT pulling the plug.

"Charlie..." Carlisle said.

"I t-think it's...t-t-time."Just then they walked in.

"No." I said.

"Jasper, this isn't your decision to make." Carlisle said, but I knew he didn't want to do it.

"I don't care. You're not doing it." I said. Charlie just looked so heartbroken.

I heard a moan from Bella.

"Bella!" I said. I rushed towards her.

"Bella!" I said. She made another noise.

"Carlisle!" I asked unsure what to do.

"Bella, Can you hear me?" Carlisle asked her, "Nod your head if you can hear me Bella." She barley nodded her head.

"Can she talk?" I asked him.

"Can you open your eyes, Bella?" Carlisle asked her. She managed to open her eyes and her eyes were huge.

"I need a moment." Carlisle told us. Hestiant, I left. Dose she remember? I went back to my family, frustrated.

"What happened?" Esme asked grabbing me.

"Their were going to pul the pug but Bella woke. And she can't talk." I said sadly.

"It's goning to be okay." Esme said hugging me. My family looked worn out. Alice had big purple bags under her eyes, Emmett looking no better. Edward and Rosalie looked better, but I knew their were worried about Bella.

Bella, Bella, Bella. I want to help her. But how? I want to hold her in my arms, telling her I love her.

Carlisle came in.

"As I just told Charlie, Bella, might have PTSD and what I've read in her file, she has cinical depression, Bi-polar , and GAD, general anxiety disorder. She can talk, but dosen't remember the accident and she's slow with her words. I have spoken to Charlie and he's agreed to let Bella stay with us til the time being she is alright. Now, we have to work with her. Don't get too wild or make Bella have panic attacks. She will progress slowly, so don;t question her with questions. Understand? Alice and Esme I assume you'll do her room. Okay good. Jasper, she's been asking for you." He said. I sped off. I can't believe she has all of that.

"Bella." I said getting to her door. She took awhile to answer back.

"J-Jasper" She answered.

"Hey baby. How are you feeling?" I asked her coming to her bed.

"...G-Good-d. A l-l-little tired..." She said.

"It's okay. You know I love you right?" I asked her. Her face looked confused at first.

"Y-Yeah." She said trying to smile.

"Im going to help you Bella. You're going to live with us." I said gently trying not to painc her. It took awhile to comphernde.

"Okay. H-how long have I-I been A-sle-eep, Jasper?" She looked so cute with her big innocent eyes.

"3 Months Bella." This seemed to get her attenion. Her breathing pick up. I waved calmness over her.

"Oh o-okay...I l-l-love you j-jasper." And with that she fell alseep. For once in her life, she looked so peaceful. I'm not going to be the one to bring her down.

BELLA'S POV

I woke up in a strange room. The room was done in dark blues,and warm browns. Where was I? Oh right, I was living with the Cullens now.

"Hey." My head snapped to my right making my head dizzy. It was Jasper laying down next to me.

"J-Jasper." I stammered. He smiled.

"Hello, sleep well?"

"...Yeah. G-good." I said.

"Come on. Time for breakfast." He said, offering his hand. Hestaintly, I grabbed it. It took me awhile to stand up and steady myself. When I did myself stuated, Jasper smiled at me pround. I blushed. We made our down the stairs to the island in the kitchen. A fresh plate of pancakes awaited me. Esme was at the sink smiling at me.

"Hello dear." She said.

FLASHBACK

The car swered and tried to get back onto the road, but conutied to spin and hit me. Before It could, I caught a glimspe of the driver. A woman, with carmel hair and a heart shaped face. Her big blue eyes were huge before she screamed.

END OF FLASHBOOK

Emse was the driver of a car that hit me. Esme did it. She wanted me dead. I dropped to my knees and curled up to a ball. Grabbing my hair to the roots.

"No no no no no." I whispered. Esme didn't love me.

"Bella!" Jasper said crouching next to me. Esme on the other. I moved away from her.

"Leave me alone! Get away from me." I yelled. The look on Esme's face was heart breaking, but she didn't loved me. She wanted to get rid of me.

"Bella, it's okay. She's not goning to hurt you." Jasper said. I burried my face into his cheast. I started to cry. I was still in my little ball when Carlisle came in.

"Bella, what happened?"

"She saw Esme and just broke down. I-I don't know why." Jasper said. Carlisle crouched down to me.

"Bella," He said gently, "what happened?"

"S-s-she...want-ts..me...d-d-dead." I sobbed. I heard all of them gasp.

"Oh Bella, no I don't. Bella, I love you. I don't want you dead." Esme said trying to comfort me.

"Hold on Esme, I think she's remembering." Carlisle said.

"Bella, why do you think that?"

"s-she was the o-one who h-hit me.." I clutched closer to Jasper. Esme dosen't love me. No, no one dose.

"Bella, you're remembering you accident. Do you remeber anything esle?" Carlisle asked. I thought for a moment.

"No." I said defeated.

"It's okay Bella, take your time. But Esme was not in the car. It was someone else. Bella, do you understand?" Carlisle told me. Well, they had different eyes...

"...o-o-okay." I said.

"Come on Bella, let's go meet the rest of the family. They're more than egar." Jasper smiled at me pulling me towards the living room.

We hesitantly walked to the family.

"Bella!" Alice said hugging me to death.

"...A-Alice." I said when she put me down.

"We have been waiting for you." She said happily.

"Hey Bells." Emmett said crushing me into his big hugs.

"Hey Em." I mustered.

"Ohh,I can't wait to youe get better, so we can _prank eddie._" He whispered the last part. We laughed.

"Hey Bella," Rosalie and Edward said. I smiled and blushed back. Maybe living here would be good for me.

Maybe.

* * *

><p><strong>Well? R&amp;R<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

"I cry in silence, can you not see my tears?"

* * *

><p><strong>Bella's POV<strong>

It's been a couple of days since I was back with the Cullens. It has been a very big step. I hadn't remeber the acident, just the part where I got hit. It was very frustrating to know that I couldn't remeber. Carlisle said it was normal that I didn't remember since I was in the coma. But I try so hard to remeber. To find out why I was hit,why they said I was drunk. I think that maybe I should just move on. I mean, if it was so important, why couldn't I remeber?

Jasper and I have gotten really close. I know we have those little moments and Alice just smiles and taps her head. I know I like him, maybe even love him, but can I let him in? I know I knida already have, but it's still hard. He loves me and I think I love him. I just...sometimes I wish that maybe Charlie wouldn't have found me. That Jasper didn't caught me cut. I just don't know what to do. Maybe my life would have been easier

"You know, if Jasper finds out what your thinking, he would have a cow." Edward said from the door way. I sighed.

"Is there any privatce in this house?" I murmued. He chuckled and sat down. Edward and I have gotten close too. He's like my best guy friend.

"You know I'm always here Bella right?" Edward said, "If there's anything you need to say, you can say it. Don't be scared."

"Thank you." I whispered as I hugged him.

"Come on, Emmett wants to beat you at one of his video games." He said pulling me up. We walked downstairs and into the living room. Emmett and Jasper were so fousced on the game, they didn't hear us walk in.

"Gah...yes...no...NO!" Emmett said as Jasper won.

"Haha! Who's better now!" Jasper gloated. This is the first time I've seen him this happy in awhile. I smiled at him. He smiled a big ass grin and kissed me.

"Good luck." He murmured. I smiled and gave him another kiss.

"Come on Bella! I will be victorious this time!" Emmett said rasing his fist in the air.

"Haha, yeah okay." I said as I made my way over there. After 3 hours, 44 losses, Emmett finally stopped playing.

"Damn Bella, wouldn't even let me win." Emmett whined like a little baby.

"Aww is wittle emmy sad." I said in a smug baby voice. He pouted and nodded his head. I grinned.

"I will have my cumuppts!" Emmett yelled and ran into his room. We laughed. Jasper grabbed my hand and lead me to his room. He turned back to me and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. He started to kiss me along my jaw. It felt really good. He picked me up and lead me to his bed. He layed me down and got on top of me holding his own weight. Being like this with Jasper didn't make me feel ugly and nasty. He made me feel like I belonged. Like I was someone.

I put one hand in his hair and the other one on his chest. Even though his hands roamed me body, it was like each touch was full of real love.

"Jasper." I said when I caught my breath.

"Mhhmm."

"I think that I love you." I said. He stopped kissing me and looked into my eyes.

"I love you too Bella. I want you to know that for forever." He said. I smiled back and pulled him back down.

* * *

><p>"Bella, I think that in your condition, you should see a counciler." Carlisle said. I looked up at him from my ceral.<p>

"What?"

"It's just so you can remeber that night and the other things in your life." I knew this was bound to happen. And I really wanna know what happened. I sighed.

"Okay, whatever." I said. He smiled.

"Good, I already have an appointment for you today." I looked at him in shock

"Alice." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, whatever, let's do this." I said. I went upstiars and got ready. I don't know if this is going to help. Telling a complete stranger my 'problems'. I've been to ones before, didn't help one bit.

"Okay, I'm ready." I said emerging from the hallway. Carlisle nodded and headed to his car. The car was filled with slicene. It's not that I have anything against Carlisle, it's just, I don't know him well enough. It's not going to do anything. We drove and drove and drove till we finally got to the little building. I sighed.

"It's gonna be fine." Carlisle told me. No it's not.

"Sure, let's go." I said. We got out and went into the waiting room. A couple of teenagers and their parents were in the room, looking completely bored. I'm with you there buddy. I sat down farest away from everybody while Carlisle was at the desk. Maybe I will remember what happened. Hopefully.

"Isabella?" A man called down from the hall. We stood up and I quickly made my way towards him.

"This way." He said, we walked down a long hallway. A boy came from the other direction. He looked at me and it was like my world stopped. He was tall, maybe 6'2, and had black long hair. His eyes looked like black oceans, drawing me in. He was very pale too. Why did he look so familiar? He seemed to know me too.

"Bella? You okay?" Carlisle asked me. I didn't even realised I stoppped.

"Oh yeah, fine." I said recovering. He led me into this small room witch consisted of a couch, table, chair, and a book shelf.

"Hello, Im Dr. Marc Vicker. I'll be your therapist." He said. He was good-looking for a 40 year old. Bright blue eyes with black curly hair.

"Bella." I murmured. He nodded.

"You can sit on the couch and I'll tell you what we are going to do." We sat down.

He talked mostly to Carlisle.

"I'm just going to start out with the basic and then work my way up to that night..." I tuned him out. I'm wasting my time here.

Carlisle soon left and it was just me and Marc.

"Okay Bella, I'm gonna start out with me okay? Im Marc Vicker and I went to Texas A&M and mairred my wife and have two kids."

"That's cool." I said nonchalantly.

"Tell me about yourself."

"Black hair, blue eyes, shy, quiet." I said bored. He sighed.

"Well in your file, It says that you have attempted suicide several times and cut. I am correct?"

"Well it's in my file, is it not?"

"Why did you do it?" I shrugged.

"Bella, I can't do my job, if you'r not willing to cooperate." He said. I could tell he was getting angry.

"Then don't." Bingo. He sighed in frustration and pitched the bridge of his nose. I smiled.

"Okay, What happened on that night Bella?" He said. Why not tell him.

"Uh, I was going to see a friend and I walked to his house." I said.

"Why? Who?"

"Because I can and Jacob Black." I said. He nodded.

"The docter said they found whiskey on you."

"OHhhh yeahh, I was drinking. Then I guess I was drunk and walked into the road." I said. No wonder. I remember now. Charlie, Jacob, the whiskey, the voices.

"Okay..."

* * *

><p>"How was it?" Carlisle asked. I shrugged.<p>

"Good, I remember now."

"That's great Bella!" Carlisle exclaimed, "What you do remember?"

"I was going to see Jake because I was mad so I drank on the way there and that's when happened." I said. Something passed on his face but covered it.

"That's great Bella." I nodded.

* * *

><p><strong>Jasper's POV<strong>

"Hello Bella, how did it go?" I asked her as she came through the door. She was emotionless and said

"Mhhmmm." and walked up the stairs. I looked at Carlisle and he just shrugged.

"She remembers." He said. I nodded and followed Bella upstairs. She was quiet as a vampire and wasn't expressing any emotion. She inside her room and I shut the door.

"Bella?" I asked her, kneeling infront of her. Her face was pale and started bawling.

"Oh Jasper!" She said as she wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back, stroking her back.

"I'm a mess Jasper! Look at me! Im so messed up and I hate myself of bad. Look at this-" She showed me her wrist, "I couldn't stop Jasper! This is so ugly and terrible, but I can't seem to stop! I've tried so hard... committed to stop. I can't, it helps me Jazz. Every time I up, I think to myself,'Today is the day I'm going stop' and I never do. I want it to all go away. Jasper. Im so broken." Bella said.

"Bella, listen to me please. You are so special to me, to everyone. When will you see that you're so beautiful? Only you are so beautiful and wonderful, it's amazing. This-" I said holding her wrist, "will become better, you have to have faith in yourself. I want you to see you for who you are Bella, the Bella I know. I love you so much and I know that down the road, You will be become a hero to yourself and to me. Bella, I love you." I said, my voice dripping with love.

She started to quit crying.

"Jasper, you know just what to say. You are my hero. I love you." She whispered. I kissed her forehead.

"I love you too darlin'." I said as I drew her close.

"I believe you. I believe in you." She said quietly into my chest. I kissed her head. One day I know that she will become the most strongest people I know and that I'll be lucky to have her.

* * *

><p><strong>:)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

"Look, here she comes now Bow down and stare in wonder Oh, how we love you No flaws when you're pretending"

THRID POV

Standing on the La Push cliff for diving, was a beautiful girl. Her long black hair was flowing in the breeze. Her eyes were closed, face composed. Her flowing white dress going everywhere. What was her intentions? She stepped closer to the edge, her face traced no emotions. The dark sea was crashing beneath her. She spread her arms to a 'T'. She smiled.

She turned around and fell back. She fell head first. Waves pushed her farther down under, bringing her to their bed. She didn't even fight it. Opening her blue eyes, she saw her white dress and black hair floating freely. Her ears started to pop. It was getting harder to breath. But it was quiet, peaceful.

Suddenly, her dreams shattered. A tan long arm, grabbed her waist. She tried to escape, but it was no use. Defeated, she let him bring her to the surface. When their heads where out of the water, they gasped for breath.

"Are you alright?" A huskey deep voice said to her, worry dripping in his voice. She wouldn't answer. He brought her to the shore, making sure she's alright. When she opened her eyes, she was greeted with brown ones. His were like dark chocolate. He had long black hair and huge muslces.

"I..." She trailed off, not knowing what to say. Who would blame her? He just witnessed her about to drown herself.  
>He looked awfuly familar too. Like a childhood memory...<p>

"Jake?" She whispered. He burrowed his eyebrows.

"It's me...Bella." His face changed from confusion to surprise.

"Bella! Bella, what were you doing? You could have gotten yourself...killed..." His face slowly showed reconinsion.

"Oh Bella, come on. Let's get out of those clothes." He said. He helped her to his car and brought her home. The ride there was awkward and silenced. When they made it to Bella's house, Jasper's motorcycle was in the driveway.

"Shit." Bella murmured. Jasper came out lightning fast. He looked at Bella and the glared at Jacob.

"Bella! Where were you? I was so worried." He said, hugging Bella with all his 'human' might. She couldn't say anything.

He turned to Jacob,"What did you do to her." He said with vemon in his words.

"I didn't do anything to her. I saved her life." Jacob said. Jasper knew what he was saying. He nodded. He picked Bella up and brought her to the couch.

"Bella." Jasper said trying to hide his sadness. He really didn't understand what she was going through, but her emotions comfirmed his conviction. She started at nothing, not blinking, nor crying. He took her hands. Words didn't need to be spoken now. He thought about the wonderful times they shared, wondering where that girl is.

"I-I...can't do this anymore Jasper," Bella suddenly spoke, "I can't keep on living this life if I hate it. I've tried and tired to pick myself up and start fresh. But look at me! I'm a complete utter mess. This life I live has become a nightmare. Day after day after day has been so, so... Jasper, you know I love you. And that I want to be with you forever, but how can I do that if I hate the life I'm already living?"

Jasper was trying to find the words to say. What could he say? He's been trying to help her, to moviate her, but how could it help her if she doesn't respond to it? He hates seeing her like this.

"Bella, you know if I could take the pain away from you, I would. But Bella, I can't do what you want me to do. This has to be between you and yourself. The mental pain has to be gone for good for you to beel better. I can only take away the pain for so long. Baby, I'm going to continue to help you, but you have to be willing to help yourself. Im never going to leave you. I know that you've heard this before, but things will get better, I swear."

No words were meant to be said. Only love was in their minds. Bella leaned in for a kiss. The kiss was everything it needed to be. It was sweet, beautiful, wondrous, loving, pure bliss. Electricity made its way through their bodies. This is what they both needed. Bella thought she was heaven. Everything she dreamed of-love, happiness, comfort, belonging, was in that kiss and that special bond between them.

It wasn't like anything thing he felt before. And being around for 168 years, that was saying something. Being with Bella made Jasper feel complete. She made him feel loved, and cherished. Being with Maria that time long ago, he realized being with Bella _was _love. She cared deeply about him. Jasper felt it everyday. He cared deeply about her too. Every time she walked into the room, He instantly brightened. Bella lit up his world.

Slowly, he picked Bella up and walked upstairs, never letting go. He laid her on her bed and him on top. She pulled him closer, afraid of letting go. She looked at him with a expression he could read. He wanted to take things slow. But their love was a love no one could ever take away, and it could wait. As much as he wanted to, Jasper only knew that she was doing this in spite of her previous emotions.

So instead, he kissed her jaw, going slowly, pouring his love with every kiss. He kissed her neck, to her collar bone, and all the skin her shirt allowed. Bella moaned in pleasure. She nibbled his earlobe, small smile playing on her lips. Her breath tickled his skin. Bella unbuttoned his shirt, knowing that's how far she could go. She traced his muscles with her tongue, savoring his taste. Jasper clutched the bed sheet, trying not to lose his control. It was amazing what she could do to him.

Jasper put his hand in the small of her back. He pulled them even closer. Bella toyed with the hair on his lower head. Both of them in their own, loving world. He would do anything for this girl, he thought, she is my life, my everything. I vow never to leave her. I Love Isabella Marie Swan till the day I die.

Little did they know that this was the start of pure love, Destructive horror, and life ever after.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm so sorry it's been like 2 weeks. I've been super, super busy. I promise I'll do once a week or more. Ya'lls reviewsfavorites/following is everything to me! Love ya! **


	9. Chapter 9

"And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had"

Bella couldn't remember the last time she felt good. Before she met the Cullens, she was alone. And broken. But it's funny, when she had met them, she felt this feeling in her heart. She didn't know what it meant then but now she knows that it was a connection. A simple thread connecting her heart to theirs. Before she was so, so fraglie and lugubrious. Her walls were closing in on her and no matter how much she pushed, the walls kept on pushing her back.

The weight of the world on her shoulders. Her parents would crush her, push her down. Everything she did wasn't good enough. Nothing was. She could not please them. Everynight she would cry at her life, the emptiness she felt. At school she was ignored. No one talked to her, no one knowlegde her presence. Even being name called was better than being left alone.

And when Phil had started his little 'secret' with Bella, she hasn't been the same. Little 10 year old Bella didn't know what her step-father was doing, but she knew it wasn't right. When she was naive and innocent she had only slept in a big t-shirt and underwear. Phil had came in and told her to be quiet.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" He had told her. He sat on her bed and rolled up her shirt.

"Shhh, this won't hurt. You will like it." He kissed her stomach down to her small, little V.

It was so long ago, but it felt like yesterday. Every touch seemed fine to her. She though it was normal. Aren't fathers suposed to show their love to their children? When she was older, she found out that it was wrong. Terribly wrong. That's when she would struggle and that's when he would hit her. She tried to swallow herself in Phil's beer and needed more. So much more.

Word got around that someone was 'playing around' with her father and that's when she couldn't take it anymore. She was drowing in silence and no one helped her. They had pushed her over the edge and it was a long way down. Night after night, she woke up somewhere different. In some random boy's bed, and in a club. Her life was out of controll and when she tried to put to back together, she got crushed back down.

She was tried and lonely. Trapped in a world filled with her demons she couldn't escape. Numbness inside her was too much to control. She made her self physicaly sick. When she would go the the docter, she always made things up. Trying to cover up her disgusting life. One day was too much. Phil was gone off to work and her mom was home.

"Mom, Phil dose things...to me." Bella had said.

"Excuse me?" Her mother stopped washing the dishes.

"He...he dose bad things." Bella said looking down at the ground.

POP

"He dose it because you're here. No one likes you here." Her said after she had just slapped her own daugther.

Bella could not stand to be in that house any longer. That was a week before she had ran away. Now here Bella was, at her dad's house, with the perfect boyfriend and friends. Why dose she feel not good enough? Why dose she still feel self-worthless? These questions she did not have the answers to. Neither did the world. Who could she turn to? Who could she trust? Maybe in time the wounds will heal.


	10. Chapter 10

"The deeper you cut, The deeper I hurt, The deeper you cut, It only gets worse."

* * *

><p>"Bella, it hurts me to know that you are doing this to yourself." Ash had told her. They were laying in his bed as the night turned to dawn.<p>

"Ash, you know I can't stop. It's apart of me. All of me. I can't stop no matter how bad I want to. It's like you can't stop your addiction. It would be like, you stop using cocaine. We both know you are not going to stop. Its the same with me." Bella had told him. He knew it was no use.

"Im going to stop for you Boo. I promise." He said as he kissed her head.

That was such a long time ago. She still rememebers that night. His dark oilve eyes locked on to hers. The love there was obvious. The way he held her in his strong arms. The way his black hair tickled her face. He was so in love, as was she. That night was pure bliss. She wonders where his is now. If he quit cocaine.

**Bella's POV**

"Bella come on! Quit acting like this!" Alice said as she forced me down for some 'Bella Barbie'.

"Alice! Please." I whined. She just smirked. I sighed. It was useless. Why we are doing this, I have no idea.

"Alice, Bella come down here please." Carlisle called. Why would he yell? He could of just talked normal.

"Haha! No more Barbie." I said racing down the staris. Who was standing in the doorway made me stop dead in my tracks. His black hair, green eyes, rings on each finger, his crooked grin.(Remind you of anyone;) ) Ash! I ran down and hugged him, my legs wrapping around his waist.

"Ash." I whispered.

"Boo, I've been looking for you." He said into my neck. I pulled back to look at him.

"How did you find me?" I said, not believing he's here.

"I remeber you said you had a father in Washington and when you left, I went looking for you. Im so glad I found you Boo. I wanted to see you again. And now, I found you." He said. I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"I quit for you Boo. Just like I said I would. Three days before you left. I've been clean for almost four months." He smiled the biggest smile I've had seen on him.

"That's amazing." I whispered.

"Who's this?" I heard Jasper say. Realization took over me and I hopped off of Ash and looked at Jasper. His face broke my heart. You could see the hurt washed all over his face.

"Well?" He questioned. I looked down at the ground.

"Im Ash, her boyfriend." He said. Oh God.

"Really now? That's funny because last time I checked, I was her boyfriend." Jasper said looking straight at me. I couldn't speak. I didn't know how to answer them.

"It's not what you think." I said. He looked pissed.

"Oh really? Then please tell me what this is." Jasper said. I have never seen him like this. Even to me. The anger in his voice was too much. I felt tears threathing to spill. I blinked them back.

"I don't have time for this." He said shoving past Ash to outside.

"Please wait!" I called after him, running outside. He was on his motorcycle and didn't look back. I fell to my knees. I couldn't keep the tears from falling. Tears blurred my vision as I tried to call after him. Sobs shook through my body. He didn't understand! He wouldn't let me explain. I felt Ash wrap his arms around me. I shoved him off.

"He wouldn't let me explain! He left." I yelled at him standing up.

"God, Im so stupid! He wouldn't let me! He wouldn't. I'm sorry, but he was, is my boyfriend. He helped me so much. Loved me so much and now he left! It's all my falut. I love him Ash. I can never keep anyone. I knew he would leave evenually, but I can't stand to see it happen. Damnit!" I yelled. I felt so guilty. Here I was, crying over Jasper when Ash came all the way over here, quit cocaine just to see me.

"Boo, its okay," I looked up, " I understand. You love him and I can't force you to quit loving him. He can give you so much more than I can," He can up to me and held both my hands, "Boo, you were the best thing to happen to me. I love you, but I can't make you love me."

"Ash.."

"Shh, its okay Boo. Goodbye." He said as he kissed me one last time and was out of my life forever.

"Bella.." Alice said from behind me. I turned around, tears falling again and clung to her for dear life. Screams erupted my mouth and the pain I never wanted to feel again was back. She rubbed my back and tried to sooth me. And it worked.

"Jasper's a smart guy. He'll come back." Alice said. I didn't question her. Never bet against Alice.

"Thank you Alice." I said. We made it back to the house and the tension was thick. I couldn't look at anyone.

"I uh...just going to bed." I said. No one reminded me it was 2:00 in the afternoon. Once I was in my room, I broke down. I couldn't take it any longer. Everyone who I love gose away.

No one loves you, my inner demon said, why would they? You're a patheic human. You make me sick. You are so so so worthless. You are-

"Ughh!" I cluched my hair.

"Make it stop." I whispered, my voice shaking. I saw something move out the corner of my eye. I whipped my head around. There was a man, with his back to me. He was in a black suit and was very huge. What made me lose my breath was the fact that when he turned around, his whole front side was completely gone. No skin, just the meat and muslces in his body. His face was disturbing. It showed all his teeth, parts the eyes you wouldn't normally see. The wholes where his nose was supossed to be.

There was a rope around his neck, like he had been hanged. It made me sick. I couldn't keep the vomit down. He smiled at me, which made me throw up again. He whispered my name.

"kulay-dilaw-gris." It was forgein. I didn't know what it was, but I knew it was my name.

"Kayo ay walang kabuluhan." It lunged at me. I couldn't scream. Its nails dug into my cheeks, dragging them down. I could feel the skin tear and the blood pouring out. I finally found my voice. I screamed.

Esme's POV

"I uh...just going to bed." Bella said. Poor girl. She went through so many things through her life.

"Im going to kill that bastard when he comes home." Emmett said through clenthed teeth.

"Language." I said softly.

" Like the hell I will! Dosen't he understand what he just put Bella through? After she's been through so much? Im gonna kick his ass!"

"Do you see him coming back?" I asked Alice.

"Yeah in about two days though." She said miserably. That put Emmett through another waves of curse words at his brother. Everyone looked miserable. I hope Bella is okay.

Just then when all was quiet, two things happened.

First: Bella's blood was smelt throughout the house and Second: Bella screamed.

We all ran upstars to where she was. What I saw, made me want to cry. Bella was in the middle of the floor, surrounded by throwup and each side of her face had four marks like someone cawled her. And the worst part was that blood was all over bella's fingernails.

"Bella!" Alice screamed running to her.

"What happened?" She said. Bella started at her, but had a far away look on her face.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked her, croutching down to her.

"He...was...here." She whispered, barley adubile.

"Bella, no one was here." He said calmly. Her eyes snapped to his.

"Yes he was. I saw him. He was standing over there." Bella said pointing to a corner.

"He did this to me." She said pointing to her face.

"Bella, you did it yourself." He said showing her her fingers.

Bella's POV

"Bella, you did it yourself." He said showing me my fingers. Blood was all over the tops of my nails and under them too.

"No! He did this to me!" I yelled. I heard him laughing.

"Make it stop!" I yelled covering my ears. It was no use, his laughter was too loud.

"Shut up! Shut up! Jasper, save me!" I cried.

"Bella!" Carlisle grabbed me by the shoulders.

"What's wrong?" I could tell he was deeply worried.

"Make him stop! He's hurting me." I screamed before blackness took over me.

* * *

><p><strong>OOooOOOooh! What's wrong with Bella? Has she gone insane? Or is her inner demon finally awaken? R&amp;R! <strong>


	11. Chapter 11

"If only I'd known that later down the road, I'd look back and not like what I see. I could change a lot of things, starting with me."

**Jasper's POV**

God, I'm so stupid! Why did I leave her when she needed me most? Ugh. But that Ash guy just pissed me off. All I could feel was love pouring off of him. Maybe he can give Bella what she needs. Better than I can anyway. Sometimes I feel I let Bella down when she needs me most. I know I can't feel that off of her, but still...

"I'm such as idoit!" I screamed as I punched a tree, watching it fall. All I ever wanted was someone who I can love and worship, but now I just let her slip through my fingers. Am I even worthy enough for her? I always let people down...

No.

Not again. I can't keep on making mistakes again. I have to try. I know I have to.

**Bella's POV**

God, I have such a headach. Where am I even at? Man, Im so confused. The pain is killing me.

"Bella?" A voice called to me.

"Jasper?" I cried out.

"No, it's Carlisle." He said. Oh.

"Can you open your eyes?" I blinked. His face was staring down at me. He smiled.

"Hello." I said. He chuckled.

"What happened?" I asked. He looked a bit saddened.

"Well, we heard you screaming and came up here and found you surrounded by throw up and you clawed your face." My hands immediatly went to my face. Sure enough, I felt four claw marks on either side of my face. I looked at him paniked.

"Will they heal and fade?"

"Im positive they will. But I think they will leave scars though." Great, just what I need, more scars.

"Bella, What made you claw yourself?" He asked, trying to show any emotion. Memories came flooding back like a hurricane. The rope, the muscle, his voice. I flinched away from the memory.

"Bella?" He asked worried.

"Him." I said.

"Him who?"

"The man in my room." I said again.

"Bella, no one was in your room. We didn't hear a heartbeat or smell a vampire." Carlisle said. That shocked me.

"Then who was it?" I asked. Was I seeing things?

"What do you remember?"

"Well when I went to my room, I was crying. Then I saw something out the corner of my eye. It was a man. When he showed his face to me, I threw up. His whole front side was completely gone. All you could see was his muscles, veins, things like that. Then he whispered my name, but he didnt do it in English. It was something else. I haven't heard it before, but I knew what he was saying.

"He said my name then he said 'you're worthless' before he attacked me. He clawed my face..." I looked up at Carlisle.

"Was I imagining him? Have I gone completely insane?"

"Calm down Bella. I don't know what this is or means, but we are going to find out." He said. The way he said that made me believe it.

Almost.

"...Did Jasper come back?" I asked in a small voice. His face told me all.

"Oh..."

"Don't worry Bella, he'll come back." He smiled at me. I tried to smile back.

* * *

><p>"Bella, I made an appointment for you." Carlisle said.<p>

"Really? When?" I asked.

"Now." I nodded.

"Don't worry Bella, you'll do fine." Alice said as she hugged me.

"Thanks." We got in his car and drove off. What if I have like schizophrenia or something. No, Im not _that _messed up. Who am I kidding? I _am _that messed up.

"So, is this gonna hurt?" I asked Carlisle. He chuckled.

"Oh no. You are just going to observed and tested." I nodded.

"Im messed up, am I not." I whispered.

"Bella, you're not messed up. You just have gone through a lot of bad situations. A lot of other people have gone through what you're going through. It's going to be alright. Understand?" I nodded although I didn't believe it.

We drove for a little while before we made it to a huge building. It was made of glass, most of it. It was really breathtaking.

"You ready?" He asked me. I shook my head, but got out the car anyway. The inside was just as pretty.

"I have an appointment for Isabella Swan?" Carlisle asked the lady at the desk. I felt a strong since of deja vu.

"Yes of course, right this way." The lady led us down a few halls before stopping at a door.

"The Docter will see you shortly." It was a room with a docters table, a chair, and two stools, and a lot of tools. I didn't like it.

**Jasper's POV **

When I got back to the house, I was blown over with anger. Who could that be? Right when I was to open the door, I was tackled by Emmett.

"You fucking douche!" He yelled. I tried to maneuver out of him.

"What!" He got into a defense stance, growling at me, while I did the same.

"You know what. You left Bella to go do the fuck whatever while she was so miserable. She was messed up Jasper. And it's all your fault." He said as he lunged at me. What he said made me freeze. What? Bella? What happened to her?

"What happened?" I asked as I let him beat me up. I deserved it.

"She threw up and clawed her fucking face. She said some man did it, but there wasn't anyone there." What.

"Emmett, that's enough." Edward said, throwing Emmett off me. Emmett still didn't get out his stance. Edward looked at me.

"Nice going Jasper." Ouch, that hurt.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"Away from you." Alice said, walking outside. I hissed at her. Edward growled at me.

"Where. Is. She." I asked again, ready to attack anyone who came me the wrong answer.

"She doesn't want to see you." Edward said.

"What."

"You left her before you let her explain. When she sees you now, do you really think she's gonna want to see you?" Oh Bella, Im so sorry. I dropped to my knees.

"Im sorry. I screwed up. I just...want to apologize to her. Please.." Im such an idiot. Bella just be so broken and I didn't even give her a chance to explain. I want to help her, but instead I just broke her more. Alice gasped. I looked at her, but something blurred my vision. I touch my face. It was wet.

But vampires don't cry.

"It's venom..." I stared amazed.

"That's impossible." Whispered Edward. It didn't even matter. I let Bella down again. I have to make it up to her.

**Bella's POV**

"I'm Dr. Phantomhive **(:D) **and Im going to help you today. So why are we here today?" A tall, dark indian man said coming in the room.

"Hello, I'm Carlisle and this is Bella. Yesterday, Bella said someone attacked her, saying he clawed her. But when we got to her, we found out she actually clawed herself." Carlisle. The doctor nodded here and then, writing things down.

"Well Bella, can you explain what he looked like?" I got into detail about his front and his accent and voice. The doctor looked thoughtfully.

"Come on to this room and we will run some test." He said. **(Im not going into detail because Im not sure how this thing works) **So, after two hours of questions and observing, We got the results.

"Well, this says that you have: schizophrenia, Sever depression, PSTD, and might have a little bit of borderline personality disorder. We have some medicine to help out these conditions. Here is a list of top psychiatrist in this area. These will not go away fast, but we will help you live a normal life with these conditions..." I tuned him out. Oh my fucking God, Im insane! I can't believe this. This can't be through, it has to be a mistake.

I busted out crying.

"This can't be happening..."

* * *

><p><strong>Well? O_o? Good? Bad? Let me know with the review button down below! :D<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

"Don't let them say you ain't beautiful. They can all get fucked, just stay true to you."

**Jasper's POV**

"Carlisle, is she okay?" I heard Esme say to Carlisle. I raced downstaris. Carlisle was in the kitchen, face over the sink, hundered different emotions coming from him.

"She has schizophrenia, Sever depression, PSTD, and might have a little bit of borderline personality disorder." She gasped. What? I went to the livingroom. The sight made me cringe. Bella was sitting on the couch, pale was can be, staring into nothing. I couldn't read any emotions from her.

"Bella..." I went to sat by her. She didn't seem to register that.

"Bella, Im so sorry. I didn't give you a chance to explain and and I left you. Baby, Im terribly sorry, I wish I could turn back time. I really would. I understand now. I should have never left. Honey, I love you so bad, I want you to know that." I said, looking at her face, trying to see any signs of understanding. She looked at me. Her blue eyes looked lifeless and it's all my falut. She started to cry.

And she hugged me. Her face was buried into my chest and her arms around my waist. I hugged her back, not squeezing too hard.

"Bella, I'm so sorry.."

"I want to get better Jasper. I really do. But I can't." She said. Her emotions made me want to help her even more. Love, sadness, anger, confusion, self-hatered.

"You can get better, I swear it. I'll help you." I said hugging her more.

"...Everytime you get close...you do something to break anyway...and...I blame myself." I froze. She blamed herself? I grabbed her chin to make her look at me.

"Bella, dont you ever blame yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. I did. I get so...Bella..." I didn't know what to say. I really didn't.

"..I think I understand. Jasper, I love you so much. I want to be with you forever." And she kissed me. The kiss was passionate, needy, and I needed her as much as she needed me.

"You will be with me forever." I said in between kisses.

* * *

><p><strong>Bella's POV<strong>

"Good morning sleepyhead." I heard Jasper chuckle at me. I yawned and smiled.

"What time is it?" I said groggily.

"Eight in the night." He said. I rolled over saw his perfect, angelic face. I couldn't help but smile at him. He did the same.

"Well, I guess I need dinner, huh?" I said, not really wanting to get up. He grinned. Stupid empathetic vampire.

"You know, I don't think I could live without you." He said, love covered his voice, his whole face.

"'Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye'" I quoted as I leaned in for a kiss.

He softly caressed my face, looking deep into my eyes, yearning for that embrace. Our lips met, feeling the affection and admiration we both felt for each other. The feeling of being wanted, loved, was accordant. His strong, gentle hand found the back of my neck, pulling ever so slightly to him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as his wrapped around my waist. The room was filled with blissful wondrous love. His tongue glided along my bottom lip, wanting entrance. I let him in. We moved in sync, like we were made for each other. Perhaps we were.

I pushed myself closer to him, if it was possible. His hand trailed along the top of my jeans, tickling my skin. I giggled up against his lips. I felt him smile.

"Isabella...I...love...you," His said as his lips trailed along my neck to my collar bone. I moaned in pleasure. Euphoric aurora swirled around us, The ecstasy was profound.

"I need you so bad." I whispered in his ear. I felt him shiver a slight bit. I smiled. His cold hands brought me warmth as he touched me with so much passion. My hands found his bare back as I swirled designs into his lower back.

"Bella.." He moaned. He made me feel so enchanted. Like I was _somebody _so special.

At this moment, I knew, I was. The burden lifted off my shoulders and was cast away.

**Jasper's POV**

The hidden calamity I felt from Bella slowly drifted away. The feelings from her made me want to pass the line and go all the way, but I knew I couldn't. Her blood was already tempting me.

But I wasn't giving in.

Her small hands roamed my body, carefully communicating with my emotions. I kissed the top of her exposed back. She shivered.

"'I can forget my very existence in a deep kiss of you.'" I said.

"Jasper, I need you in my life. Need you here with me, by my side." She said. I could feel the love coming out her mouth, filling deep into my skin. Her love was intoxicating, exotic. Our bodies molded into one as we continued to express our feelings to one another.

I know that she will become one of us. I can feel it in my heart. Feel it in my soul. In time we will be able to look back and laugh at the earlier times. Be able to be so in love without me slipping up. I know that time will come.

But what will be in store for us before then?

* * *

><p><strong>Even though it's short, I was very pleased with the results. Soooo, I need ideas for Bella's schizophrenia and her 'demon'. So leave your interesting and creative comments in the review box below!<strong>


	13. AN

Hi everyone. So I have really bad news, my computer crashed. Again.(I'm on my phone) So I lost everything. Like I was almost finished with this next chapter, but of course it crashed. Sooo, I'm hoping I will get a laptop for Christmas but we'll see. So bear with me for a couple of weeks. Im sorry:( Yalls reviews are awesome though and thanks for all the favs! Byee:) 


	14. Chapter 14

"Bella, Carlisle wants to talk to you in his office." Alice said, coming to get Bella. She put down my book and nodded.

"Alright." Bella walked down to the second floor and hesitantly, knocked on the door.

"Come on in, Bella." She opened the door. Carlisle waved her in. Bella got in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

"Bella, I think you are able to go back home. Charlie misses you. I think, as long as you take your medicine and see your therapist, you will do fine."

"Yeah, I think that time has come, But Carlisle, will I be able to live a normal life? I mean, I'm schizophrenia for Christ sake! What happens when I go AWOL at school? Will I be able to do anything without something happening?"

"Bella, calm down. I'm sure you will do just fine." He gave her a reassuring smile. She sighed.

"I'll go get my things." Bella went back to my room to find Alice there, with all her things packed. Of course she would know.

"Looks like I'm spreading my wings and flying from the nest." Bella said.

"We'll still see each other," she smiled, "Now, lets go get you home." When they made it downstairs, all the Cullens were there. They all bid their goodbyes as Carlisle drove Bella to her house. She really didn't want to leave. It's not like she didn't want to live with Charlie, its just that she felt peace at the Cullens. And now, she was going back to her house. It wouldn't be her home. Charlie met them at the door.

"Bells, glad you're back." Charlie said, helping with her bags.

"Yeah, me too." She mumbled. Bella got unpacked as she heard Carlisle explain her medicine to Charlie. She hated this. She felt like some...some freak.

But then again, she was. Would she ever be healed? Not completely. Not yet anyway. Bella stayed in her room all day and night, not wanting to speak to anyone. Talking requires breathing and moving her mouth. Both required energy, which she didn't have a lot of.

"Bella." Jasper said from the window. She sighed in relief. Now she felt at peace, she felt loved. He made his way to her bed, laying down beside her.

"Im glad you're here." She whispered. He tightened his arm around her. He kissed her forehead.

"Sleep." He said in his deep, but gentle voice. Sleep engulfed her, which consisted of a dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p><em>Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeeep.<em>

Bella groaned. She hated waking up early. It always set her in a bad mood. She slowly got dressed and went to go get breakfast. Apparently, she had a 'stomach virus' that 'kept her from school'. Hey, she was fine with that. Its not like she had any friends, besides the Cullens. When she reached the kitchen, she found a note from Charlie.

_'Bella_

_Don't forget to take your meds_

_Dad'_

A strong sense of anger washed over her. Why did he have to say it like that? Its like he didn't trust her. Okay, well maybe he didn't, not that she isn't to blame, but he could have said it she got there, the kids were obviously staring at her. _God, do they always have to be like that? _Mornings like this just dampen her mood.

Her already worse mood.

She made her way to where the Cullens were standing, but not before glaring at anyone who looked her way.

"What got your panties in a twist?" Emmett asked. Then grinned. He thought he was quite funny. She just glared at him that would make Rosalie look away. Jasper wrapped his arms Bella's waist and put his head on hers.

"Just had a terrible morning." She said. Jasper was worried, but didn't press on. She seemed...terribly aggravated. All throughout the day, she would just sulk and glare off into nothing. By lunch, she seemed a little bit better.

"Oh Bella, we just have to go shopping! I heard the new Fall collection is out and I can't wait." Alice said as she sat down. Bella sighed heavily. She closed her eyes and rested her head in her hands.

"Bella, are you okay?" Jasper asked her, concern dripping into his voice. She didn't answer. That was odd. Silence washed over the lunch table expect Jasper soothing words to Bella. The remainder of school was silent, but dreadful. Bella just felt tired and weak all day. And she didn't know why. She didn't know why she was being rude to her dear friends. She should apologize to them, but she just wanted to be left alone.

When school was over, she waited over by Edward's Volvo, waiting for Jasper. She sighed. She didn't know what to tell him. She had stop herself from over-thinking. She was getting dizzy. It made her mad that only thinking would make her feel dizzy. She hated herself. But she saw Jasper and forced a smile on her face.

"Hey." He said as he kissed her.

"Hey." She said. She suddenly got nervous. Why? She didn't know. He looked at her in confusion.

"Hey, look, I just want to be alone today, Okay? And Im sorry for earlier, I'm just in a bad mood." He didn't say anything for a moment and that made her slightly nervous.

"Okay then. What would tonight?" I nodded.

"Thats fine. Bye." With one last kiss on the cheek, she left school, leaving Jasper behind.

* * *

><p>Bella really couldn't tell what was making her feel this way. Nothing was on her mind and she wasn't upset. So why, why, why? When she got home, Charlie wan't home, which was normal. What wasn't normal was that truck parked where Charlie usually dose. <em>Odd, <em>She thought. Why did it look so familiar? Shrugging it off, she made her way to the door. It was unlocked. That was understandable, since there was a truck her after all.

Bella went in and looked around. No one was in the kitchen or living-room. _Strange. _Okay Bella, Its not like its some rapist or murderer, she thought. But up her way up the stairs. She hesitantly opened her door. Relief filled her. No one was in it. Sighing, Bella plopped on her bed, her head buried into her pillows.

"It's been quite a while since I've seen you." She froze. She knew that voice anywhere.

"Its a shame. You left me without saying goodbye. And here I thought that I was the _ cruel _one." Phil made a _tsk _sound. She slowly moved around, lying on her back. He was walking around the room, starting into nothing, probably thinking sadistic things.

"What are you doing here P-Phil?" She couldn't believe it. Why is he here? Why did she have to be alone _ today? _He finally looked at her. His eyes were emotionless, his face stoic.

"Because I wanted to see my little flower."

"Im not your _flower_." She sneered at him. She froze, realizing what she said. He looked sharply at her.

"You _dare _talk back to _me_?" Phil got on top on the bed and had Bella in his steel-grip faster than she could think.

"You think that since you left me, you can disrespect me?" He whispered into her ear. Bella shivered by his words.

"Don't you _dare_ cross me." He said. Phil lifted off of her, then slapped her hard. She gasped in pain, clutching her left cheek. He threw her off the bed and kicked her. She cried out in pain. He kicked her and cracked her ribs until she stopped moving. He started to rape her violently. She cried out to the sky, but no one heard her.

When he was done, he stood up, and then just left. Left Bella to face this horrible, gut-wrenching pain. The spot between her legs was sore and bruised. She couldn't move. He came into her life once again to cause misery and suffering. She opened her tear-blurred eyes and saw someones feet.

"...h-h-help." She whispered. The figure crouched down. She screamed. It was the man.

Her demon.

His empty eyes looked back at her, like his was trying to posse her. To be in her own body. His face was merely inches from hers. She gasped in pain and cried out at the same time.

"Make it stop...p-p-please." She whispered. She tried to crawl to her blades, but cried out when her stomach fried up in pain.

_Someone please help. Jasper, I need you._

The figure lunched at her. She screamed_._

__She laid here, silently crying. She needs someone. She needed her angel. Someone to help her and save her.

* * *

><p>Sighing, Charlie clocked out of work. It was a slow, trying day. He just wanted to go home and sleep. His daughter worried him. She wasn't stable when she came from Phoenix. There was something off. Then he found her 'stash' that consisted mainly of whiskey and rum. And then her suicide attempts. He couldn't take it. It was slowly tearing him up inside. Just knowing that your own child was suffering and you couldn't help? That shook him to the core.<p>

He made his way to the house, needing a beer. He was tried and wanted some sleep. What would Bella be doing? Watching TV? On the computer? Cooking, he hopped. But it was probably unlikely. He got home and it was very quite. He went to get a beer and sat down to watch TV. Nothing was on, of course. He was dowsing off, but a scream filled the house. His eyes shot opened and raced to Bellas room. The sight made him cry out.

Who had done this? Bella was on the floor, at the foot at her bed. Her pants were off and she was bleeding. Her face was red, and puffy. She was bent in an odd shape and to tell the truth, she looked like she had been beaten by the mafia or something.

"Bella.." He whispered. What vile creature _did _this to her?

"Bells, I'm home." He called out. No reply. He shrugged it off.


	15. Chapter 15

**This is my poem. I didn't 'steal' this **

* * *

><p><strong><em>The girl is crying<em>**

**_She looks so sad_**

**_No one is listening _**

**_She is turning black_**

**_Running away from nothing_**

**_She feels so low_**

**_Pain, suffering feels good to her_**

**_Like its her drug_**

**_Her eyes are shadows for_**

**_her broken soul_**

**_Surrounded by black lining,_**

**_They will never understand._**

**_Never know what its like to feel_**

**_broken. Pain and Torture._**

**_They don't care_**

**_They never noticed her._**

**_She cries day to day, _**

**_giving up on everything,_**

**_everyone._**

**_ Waiting for someone to rescue her._**

**_Slowly, she falls..._**

**_Is he too late?_**

* * *

><p><strong>I wrote this poem like last year. I hope this poem goes with the story. I think it dose. Anyway, Read and Review!<strong>


	16. Author's Note

_**Okay,**_** I am writing the next chapter.**

_BUT_

__I've been having writer's block for the longest time.

I don't know why.

:(

But I'm 800 words into the next chapter though!

:)

So do not fret, For I will bring you a chapter.

As soon as I finish it.

But here is a snip-it of the next chapter.

:)

* * *

><p><em>Is it possible for one that was hurt by one could be healed by another?<em>

Darkness was his life once. No where could there be light. He was a demon, a heartless monster. Fire engulfed him. He was a sick bastard. He used to know love, but love was something that was hurtful and hateful to him. He was suffering in his own, dammed life. He wished he died. Even after becoming a vampire. He was so low in his life, that he stopped trying to find that little hope that would turn he world around.

But he found it.

He found that little hope and he clung onto it.

* * *

><p>Huh? Huh? :)<p> 


	17. Chapter 17

_Is it possible for one that was hurt by one could be healed by another?_

Darkness was his life once. No where could there be light. He was a demon, a heartless monster. Fire engulfed him. He was a sick bastard. He used to know love, but love was something that was hurtful and hateful to him. He was suffering in his own, dammed life. He wished he died. Even after becoming a vampire. He was so low in his life, that he stopped trying to find that little hope that would turn he world around.

But he found it.

He found that little hope and he clung onto it.

When he saw her, his whole world stopped. Her beauty was captivating, but he had no idea what was behind that beauty, behind those eyes that held little emotion. When he saw what pain she was in, his heart reached out for her. Her world was like his, but different. Both knew pain and heartbreak and sorrow. They both went through so much and still lived through it, no matter how many suicide attempts she made.

The more time he spent with her, the more she healed him. Though, he never admit it. She was slowly mending his fragile heart with her love and kindness. She was someone who loved him, despite what he had done in the past. She loved a monster.

And he loved her back.

And he wanted to heal her like she healed him. He wanted to be her angel, her strength, her walls, her foundation. He wanted to be there for her. But when she cuts, he hurts. When she cries, he cries tears that will never shed. He wanted to show her what he sees in her. He wanted to show how much beautiful she is, how marvelous she is.

She was in an angel, a goddess in his eyes, but not in hers. To herself, she was ugly. She was fat. She was the weird 'emo' girl that no one would talk to.

In truth, she was pretty, she was skinny, she was the one he wanted to talk to everyday. He loved her with all his love, all his soul. He wanted to be with her forever, so he would could tell her how beautiful she was and how lucky he was to be with her. He wanted to be her sunshine.

He wanted to marry her. As crazy as that sounds, it was true. He wanted to call her Isabella Marie Swan-Whitlock. It sounds sweet on his tongue. The idea was crazy in itself, but he loved the idea. He wanted to get down on one knee and confess his love and hoped she said yes. Then maybe she'll see what she already is.

As he stared down at her in that hospital bed, he wanted to somehow take all her pain away. He knew he could, temporarily, but it never would be gone. He was mad. Beyond furious. When he got that call from Charlie, his whole world stopped. It was torture to see Bella like this. He wanted to kill whoever did this to her.

And he will find out and he will kill him.

Fork Police were already searching for the sick man. The doctor had already given them the damage done to Bella. Her vaginal area was seriously hurt; some ribs were cracked as well as her left cheekbone; and her ankle was sprained.

Bella groaned in pain as she started to wake.

"Bella." Jasper said, running to her side. A sense of deja vu washed over him. They've been in this position before. Bella's forehead scrunched in.

"What happened?" They hesitated. Would they tell her the truth? Or was it better for her not to know? But wouldn't she remember anyway?

"Bella, what's the last thing you remember?" Carlisle asked. She looked up for a moment.

"Well, I went home by myself... and then... oh God... no, no, no, no." Her eyes widened in shock as the last past two hours came back the surface.

"Bella? Bella!" Jasper said, mentally having a melt down.

"Bella, What happened?" Carlisle asked cautiously. She shook her head.

"He's back." She whispered. Her own demon was once back into her life. The realization of this, made Bella fear for her life and cry. Why, oh why must bad things happen to her? What did she do to deserve this? Was God punishing her? The feelings inside of her began to take control, began to overwhelm her. She could not deal with this. Where was her happy ending? Why can't this all go away?

"Who Bella."

"Phil..." The room was dead silent. Phil? Renee's husband? The baseball player?

"..."

"It was Phil, it was Phil, it was PHIL!" Bella started to sob hysterically. Jasper tried to clam her down, while Carlisle was on the phone with the police, and Charlie on the other side of Bella, his face aghast. He didn't know what life Bella had when she lived with her mom and step-dad. And Charlie now knew what happened to his beautiful daughter. He turned green. Kids of her age shouldn't have to go through that,

No on should.

Charlie took his daughter's hand as tears streamed down his face. _I'm so sorry. _Charlie thought to himself. _I should have known. The drinking, the cutting._

Charlie choked back a sob. He was going to kill that man that had done this. He would risk his own life to kill him, damn-it!

"Charlie? A word?" Carlisle said. He nodded. He gave one last look to Bella, who seemed to calm down a little, and went outside into the hall.

"Your men are searching through your house and the area to see if they can find anything. They have his description and profile," Carlisle put his hand on Charlie's shoulder, "Charlie, they will not him."

"You bet your ass they will, cause if they don't, then I will. Then I'll kill him."

* * *

><p>Nothing is the same anymore. Her life was simple anymore. It wasn't nice, wonderful, or happy.<p>

No.

It was pain. It was torture. It was misery. She was rotting from the inside out. You could see the sadness in her eyes. She wanted an escape.

"Jasper." She whispered when they were the only two in the room.

"Yes?" He held her face.

"My heart isn't strong enough for this. I'm _dying to survive._ Everything is have I done to suffer like this? Jasper, I can't take this pain anymore. I don't know how to handle this. Can death be any more worse than this? I want to let go Jasper, but I can't. I just want to be happy once again. Why is it so fucking hard?" Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him with sadden eyes. She put her hands over his and closed her eyes.

"Jasper, you make me happy. You know how to... to make me feel so much better about myself. You are so good to me." She clutched his fingers, "I would lie if I said I wasn't afraid. But I love you so much Jasper. I love you so much, I can't see myself without you."

"Bella," He whispered her sweet name, "you don't have too. Marry me."

Her eyes shot open.

"What?" She whispered.

"Marry me, Bella. I love you. Ever since I saw you. You are my light in my darkness. You are my shelter in a storm. I love you so much. Every time I look at you, I just get so overwhelmed by my love for you. You are my everything. Bella, marry me." She sat up now, holding Jasper's hands in her own. She searched his flawless face. She could tell he was sincere and meant every word.

"Yes." The love in the air was clear as day. He held her face as he kissed with so much love. So much kindness. She smiled up against his lips.

"I love you so much." She whispered.

"I love you always." He whispered back. Bella's world was perfect for once. It didn't matter that he proposed in a hospital. It didn't matter that she just woke up after a beating. He loved her and she loved him. It was all that mattered. Tears of joy streamed down her face. She looked Jasper in the eyes.

"You're my happy ever after."

* * *

><p>I'm really happy about this chapter. I got excited at the end too! AHHHHH! They're getting married! But all good things must come to an end, right? R&amp;R!<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

_It's okay. It only hurts when I breathe._

_"JASPER?" Bella screamed into the night, looking right and left for her one true love._

_"Please! Don't leave me!" She couldn't see through the thick woods, but she could see her love slipping through her fingers._

_"Bella..." A whisper through the night drew Bella to a stop._

_"Jasper!" She slowly turned in circles. The whisper called again._

_"Why did you let go?" She yelled into nothing. The wind picked up as rain fell._

_"I'm hurt, okay! I wanted to end these feelings! You were supposed to take my pain away. Why didn't you?" There was no answer._

_"Answer me! This sadness is unbearable! My heart can't handle this anymore. You ruined me!" She stood a little bit taller._

_"You can't hurt me when I'm dead." She pulled a gun from her backpack. The thunder roared and the lightning strikes.(I felt the need to add this). She clutched the gun to her chest and felt the cold metal up against her pale skin. Bella saw Jasper running to her. Though, it was like he was running in slow motion. She brought the gun to her head, saw Jasper's pained expression. _

_"You're too late." She whispered as she pulled the trigger._

**Bella's POV**

"Ah!" I screamed as I woke up. My heart pounded in my chest. _Just a dream, Bella._ I blinked a couple of times to adjusted to the darkness. I almost screamed as I took in my surroundings. I was still in the hospital. The memories began rushing back to me. Phil. The beating. Jasper. Mirage.

The proposal.

I put her head in her hands. The proposal. Could I really go through this?

Yes, I could.

I am strong enough to go through it. I have to prove that I am. Jasper makes me happy. Why wouldn't I marry him?

_Because you're strong enough to let go when the pain is unbearable. _

Shut up. I vow to myself that I couldn't let go again, but I've broken that vow many times to count. Would I have the strength to let go when I'm with him or would I be content? I can't honestly answer that. I do want to marry him. I do, but...not when Im like this. I am this messed up girl with tendencies to self harm and drink all the time. And to top it all off, my step-father beats me and rapes me.

Yeah, I'm not in any condition to marry anyone.

But still, I do want to marry Jasper. He makes me feel so new. Like I was never broken in the first place. He makes me have those little butterflies in my stomach when I think of him. I love him so much. I was a fool to think that I could leave this world and leave him behind. Have I even considered Jasper's feelings? No, I haven't. If I really did die, he would be so broken, so miserable.

Just like me.

But I refuse to let him become like me. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. This pain I have is just so crazy. Everyday I have to go through this pain that makes me sick to my stomach. Some days, I think to myself, I can't do this. I thought that if I just die, the world would be so much better without me. I was a person living in a shell that was disconnected from the world.

I was alive, but I wasn't living. I breathed, but I wasn't breathing in what the world has to offer a person. I never got that adrenaline rush that people get when they do something crazy or in the moment. I never got to feel the love of a mother...or a father. I never got to live in a safe environment with parents who loved and cared for me.

I'm dead.

I sleep, eat, walk, talk, breath.

But I've died.

My soul is black as the ashes of a burning love. I don't know what has happened to me. I don't know what I have become. I don't remember why I am like this. Why must I go this torturous pain that brings misery to me and everyone around me.

I didn't ask for this! I don't want to feel the way that I feel! I want to be happy and have someone who loves me and I want to grow up and get old with a hundred grandchildren running around. I cried out in pain, tears soaking the hospital covers.

I tell myself why am I like this? And yet, every single time the answer leads to Phil. Phil is the reason why I am this shell of a person. All the anger and resentment I have for Phil is like the Grand Canyon. It's deep and forever never ending. I want to kill that man...a disturbing thought ran through my mind.

_Then do it._

If I kill Phil, I could live a normal life. I would be free. I could fly. Yes.

I have to kill Phil.

A figure came towards me. I simply stared at it. It was him. My own demon. But it didn't attack me. It just stared at me. The air was cold and I felt myself began to shiver. The more I stared into the soulless, black holes, the better the idea sounded. It was like It fed me reasons to kill Phil.

I wasn't complaining.

(**Third POV)**

As the night grew to dawn, two figures in the cold slowly became one. It was a horrific sight indeed. The girl gasped as It came into her body, filling her with the desirable urge to kill a man who caused great pain. After It was done, the fragile girl fell back to sleep. Such a horrible deed was done on that cold day in Forks, Washington.

What was becoming of the world? But most importantly, what was becoming of Bella's and Jasper's love?

* * *

><p>So? Was it good? Bad?<p> 


	19. Read:)

Okay, so I haven't updated this story in over a year and I apologize for that, but starting right now, this story is on hiatus (officially). My writing is completely and utterly horrible and I don't know why I thought it would be great to post this awful story. So now and until whenever, I'm re-writing this whole story. I cringe whenever I read this story, lol. So instead of uploading new re-written chapters when I get done with them, I'll upload all of them at the same time. Sorry for those people who have like legit waited a whole year for me to upload. Things have been going on and I finally feel like if I write, it's going to be well, lol. So yeah, I'm asking to wait a little bit longer, but it will be worth it, trust me Bye!:)


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